I Can’t Stand the Rain

Against my window- no just kidding. I love the rain against my window. But that’s the title and then song that came to mind as I thought about this post last night. I know this post sounds contradictory to my post yesterday. Last night, yesterday’s posts and struggling with infertility clashed into a storm.

A different kind of rain came to mind. The one I hate. The one that comes when I think about not having kids, the chance to be a mother, or a grandmother. The one that comes when I think of “my” boys and wonder what will become of them. The one that comes when I think of all the dreams slipping through my fingers. The one that comes when I see children being mistreated. The one that comes when I see perfectly happy kids or families. The one that comes when I see Cody interacting with children. The one that comes with children seem to come unfairly to others. The one that comes after people ask or so things when they have no idea what they are saying.

It’s the one that comes without warning and any time. It knows no boundaries. Sometimes it’s a light rain; other times a heavy rain. Sometimes it’s a brief shower and others a long hard rain. It might come in a store, or at work, or at home. It might come while I’m in the shower, the bed, in the truck. It might bring rain to others but most often not. There’s no predicting when this rain will come. No Radar that allows me to plan ahead.

It’s the rain I’m so tired of seeing. The rain I wish I could stop but can’t. The rain that makes me angry and darkens my day. If only I could make this rain go away. I’m so tired of that rain pouring down my cheeks.

Related posts:

1. Let it Rain!
2. Expecting The Blessings Of Family
3. Raw And Tired
4. The Unknown: Contrasts In Unrest And Peace
5. Justice, Ricky, And James