Being Childless Sucks, Life Doesn’t

When I blogged about how being childless sucks Wednesday, I received several words of encouragement which I did appreciate. But, I guess what I failed to get across in that post, is that it was just a moment. . . They come, they go. Sure, being childless hasn’t stopped sucking. But, it’s not the only thing in my life.

I honestly didn’t share about that moment when I searched google for those that know me, but rather because I know that there may be others I don’t know who feel the same way and are looking for something to perhaps validate their feelings or just someone who understands. (OK, that’s a really bad run on sentence whith far to many “thats” in the beginning, but you know, it’s a blog not a term paper)

You see just because being childless sucks, it doesn’t mean that life does. All-in-all, I’ve got a great life. A house over my head, a loving husband who truly spoils me, time to be creative, a job, etc. (Since I just made a long list New Year’s Eve, I spare you the long version ’cause I have a feeling this post is going to be long enough.)

(OK, in proofreading this, this next part is going to seem really off topic and a rambling tangent, I promise I’ll be bringing it back around.)

Last weekend as Cody and I were celebrating our 11th wedding anniversary, we discussed a new class that I want to take. This morning as I thought about that class, I realized that my hobbies all seem to piggy back on themselves. Last year, I spent a lot of time learning more about photography and taking pictures. This year, I’ve gotten back into scrapbooking. This new class is about organizing pictures with a scrapbooking purpose (well, that’s just the surface.) One of the assignments before the class starts is to go through your digital pics and printed pics and put them in chronological order. I’m in luck since my digi pics are all in folders my month and year and named by the date and a sequence that keeps the approximately 16,000 pictures in order. . . not to mention digi pics can be sorted by date/time taken. But, our printed pics, that’s another story. The class talks about not trying to do all your pictures but a portion so that you can learn the process and then repeat with the rest later. So, I decided to just tackle the years from when Cody and I met until we went digital- Fall Semester 1994-Deer Season 2003. (Another tangent. . . Deer Season, you may be wondering, why I associated that. . . Because I got my first digi camera on the way to the Campwood and I remember taking tons of shots along the 8 hour drive there. Looking back now, I realize it was purchase and trip that would change my life.)

So this week, Cody and I have been sorting those printed pictures. We really don’t have that many. They filled two plastic shoeboxes longwise (aka short side so that the pano shots would fit). It was so much fun to remember those days. We really enjoyed looking back. We were both amazed at how young we look. . . even though we don’t feel that much older today. In many ways, despite the things we’ve gone through, we’re still like newlyweds or perhaps even those kids in college. We’re still like those two lovebirds in those pictures- two lovebirds who got married and watched as their friends got married, two lovebirds who used to eat on the floor in Etoile, two lovebirds who have watched their nephew grow-up, two lovebirds that have seen great vacations, two lovebirds that met in college, moved to Corpus Christi, and came back to that college town. We’ve been blessed. I’ve been blessed.

And, I realize just how blessed to live in the digital age! We narrowed that lot of pics down to just a little over one box. Purging a lot of awful and failed shots, I realized how much I benefit from being able to instantly see my pictures. Going through the so-so pics, I realized how much easier it is to take advantage of learning photography in a digital world. Looking at how few pictures there were compared to fewer years of digital, I realized just how glad I am that I don’t have to pay for film and processing.

Being Childless Sucks

That’s what I put into the google search engine yesterday. . . in a moment when it really was sucking. I’m not sure what I was wanting to find. I think to just see someone else feeling the same way and find some perspective. Do you know what I got? Posts about how infertility sucks- And it’s true, it does. Been there, done that. But, my being childless moved well beyond infertility sucks when we hit the brick wall that was adoption. I wanted something that caught the full gamut of how being childless (not just infertile) sucks. What else did I find? Posts about how motherhood sucks. . . and I suppose at times it sucks just as being childless sucks. But, it’s really not what I wanted to read about. And then, there were the posts by those who are childfree by choice saying that being childless doesn’t suck. That may be true when it’s by your choice, but for the rest of us who aren’t childless by choice, it does, at least at times it does. Not sure if you’re aware of it, but there’s a huge contention/movement about how being childfree is so great- it often feels like a slap in the face when you’re not childfree by choice.

So this person is for the next person who finds their self at a point when being childless just sucks and searches for something when they’re not sure what they want to find.

What brought me to that point yesterday? The dang drum in my head that is life without kids that never seems to stop beating. There isn’t a day that’s gone by when I haven’t thought about kids or the lack there of. Sometimes it’s a “positive” thought- that we won’t have to deal with a screaming kid in the middle of Wal-mart (even though we’d trade places with the parent anytime). Other times, I wonder about the kids we were so close to adopting- how they’re doing or how I feel they were taken from me. Sometimes, it’s just re-hashing old history. Or perhaps it’s the incessant, how can parents do the things they do to their kids. Other times, it’s wondering about where I go from here- the fact that I’ve not idea what the future looks like without kids.

Too many days it’s not just one thought but many thoughts. Somedays, it’s just a thought or two. Other days, it seems to be in sterio coming at you from all sides. No matter how much you try to tune it out, it beats louder and louder. You can’t turn it off; you can’t even seem to turn it down. Yesterday, when I did my little google search, was one of those times. . . when the drum beat was just too loud. Those are the moments when being childless seems to take hold of you, stir up all sorts of emotions, and wreck an otherwise good day. That’s when the word “sucks” just seems to be the best way to describe the state of being childless. Despite all the other words in my vocabulary, “sucks” is the one word that is apropros. And it sucks when “sucks” is the one word you can find that describes the moment.

All I can do is ask God for peace. I know he’ll get me out of those moments. And I hope that one day he has in store for me a day when I don’t even think about whether or not we have children.

The 3-Day and the 3rd Door

Last January, my best friend and I decided to do the Three Day Walk.  We whole heartedly went into the year raising funds and training for our 60 mile adventure.  Then, when I realized that the timing of our boys would affect our walk, the opportunity fell by the wayside.  Then, of course, we didn’t get “our” boys. 

I’ve been beating myself up about our decision not to complete the Three Day for quite some time now.  It wasn’t until last weekend when I was talking to Lisa about it that I really began to realize I had no way of knowing and needed to quit kicking myself.

You see, by the time the new year rolled around, I thought there were two paths my life would take in 2009- have kids or give up.  I was working to accept that.  Then came the boys- or at least they came back around- the chance to be chosen for them, our selection for them, some serious talking, and then saying good-bye and turning a corner.

What I realized this weekend was that in my short-sided thinking there were two doors for my life- with kids and without kids.  But, in reality, there was a third door- one that mingled the two paths together for just a short while.  Never in a million years did I think that I would be so far down one path and then plucked from it and onto another path.  I could have never prepared myself for that one.

This all seems like a real bummer post on a rainy Tuesday morning.  But, it isn’t meant to be.  I’m learning to accept what was behind the third door.  And in accepting what was behind that third door, I realize I have to give myself some slack this year.  This weekend I realized that I’ve also got to give myself that slack when it comes to our decision not to complete the 3-day.  It simply got caught in the strife of this year- the turmoil that I never expected when the year began and we started out to make our walk. 

The cool thing that remains is that we got to raise funds for breast cancer research- and I am proud of that- and all of you who helped us raise those funds.  I wanted to say thanks to those of you who did support our efforts and let you know that those funds have already gone towards breast cancer research.

I Can’t Stand the Rain

Against my window- no just kidding. I love the rain against my window. But that’s the title and then song that came to mind as I thought about this post last night. I know this post sounds contradictory to my post yesterday. Last night, yesterday’s posts and struggling with infertility clashed into a storm.

A different kind of rain came to mind. The one I hate. The one that comes when I think about not having kids, the chance to be a mother, or a grandmother. The one that comes when I think of “my” boys and wonder what will become of them. The one that comes when I think of all the dreams slipping through my fingers. The one that comes when I see children being mistreated. The one that comes when I see perfectly happy kids or families. The one that comes when I see Cody interacting with children. The one that comes with children seem to come unfairly to others. The one that comes after people ask or so things when they have no idea what they are saying.

It’s the one that comes without warning and any time. It knows no boundaries. Sometimes it’s a light rain; other times a heavy rain. Sometimes it’s a brief shower and others a long hard rain. It might come in a store, or at work, or at home. It might come while I’m in the shower, the bed, in the truck. It might bring rain to others but most often not. There’s no predicting when this rain will come. No Radar that allows me to plan ahead.

It’s the rain I’m so tired of seeing. The rain I wish I could stop but can’t. The rain that makes me angry and darkens my day. If only I could make this rain go away. I’m so tired of that rain pouring down my cheeks.

Losing A Person

Last week, I saw Star Jones on Oprah.  I can’t say that I really have a feeling for her one way or the other.  I don’t follow the view and don’t really go for celebrity.  But, for some reason I left it on. . .

She had lap band (or other similar procedure. . . If you follow tabloids, celebrity news, etc you probably know which one) and she lost a lot of weight.   I’ve seen her before and the result is pretty dramatic.  During the course of the interview, she talked about what losing a whole other person did for her. . . you could tell it wasn’t just physically losing another person but also losing that person inside (to some extent) that she used to be.  She also reflected on finding who she is now.

When she said it, I realized that’s a lot like what I’m going through as we’ve stopped our pursuit of kids.  You see I always thought of myself as a mother even though I knew it might be difficult.  Like most little girls, I played house all the time as a child.  The only time I ever really didn’t think I’d be a mother was the when my TMJ headaches (which we didn’t know what was causing them at the time) were so bad before Cody and I got serious.  The more Cody and I dated though the more I could see myself with kids once again.  In fact, I changed my major and the course of my career because I wanted to be able to spend life around my kids and Cody.

Now, the course of my life is changing again.  That mother isn’t to be.  I’ve lost at least one whole side of me.  But as mother’s will tell you, motherhood is interwoven with nearly every aspect of your life.  It’s very much like I’m losing an entire person.

Our trip to Kansas City brought much of the very needed peace I needed.  These days I’m focusing on who I am now. . . what I enjoy and what I might like to fill the time on my hands doing.  I’ve wanted something more for a long time and now I know that motherhood isn’t it.  So, I need to figure out what that something more may be.  And, I’m giving myself time to just be and to explore. 

And I wonder who I’ll be a few years from now- now that I’ve lost this other person and am finding out who I am without that other person.  But, I plan on giving myself the time to find that out.

The Anchor Holds

A really good friend of my sent me a message after reading my blog posts about what’s going on in my life.   She shared with me this song that’s an awesome fit for how I feel these days.  I wanted to be sure to share it with all of you.

The Anchor Holds by Ray Boltz

Shooting Through the Blues

My photography interemost often pretty things or colorful landscapes. But, there are some old feed mill building downton that I’m always wanting to take pictures of. It needs to be when it’s not busy in town. (After all, the probation office is right there too!)

About three weeks ago, as I was watching my dreams slip through my fingers, Cody and I went downtown to shoot in the area. It was a chance to switch gears.
We both took lots of pics of the buildings but neither of us where happy with the resulting images. . . so we have a challenge for another day. I really wanted to try to capture what I feeling through my photography and this was a great chance. I really loved taking pics in the unpristine area.

Where is God in all of This

Last night we finished reading the boy’s case files. Unfortunately, there was nothing that made me want to say “no” and nothing that made Cody want to say “yes”. Which basically means “no” because I know that I have to accept Cody’s feelings.

Of course, while my husband doesn’t feel like these kids are right from him, he feels awful for me. Last night as he was apologizing to me, I had a bit of a breakthrough that, at least for now, has brought me some more peace.

This isn’t his fault. And as I explained to him that he didn’t need to apologize to me, I explained that in the end, if this was truly God’s will he would make Cody feel differently so perhaps this isn’t God’s will. I’m not sure whether the talking brought the thought or the thought brought the words, but at that moment I made the realization that in some ways seems to make this a bit easier for me. As we talked, we wondered with hope that if it’s not meant to be for us hopefully God has even better parents out there for these two boys.

Through all of this, I can’t say that either of us has lost faith. We know he’s here, we know he’s got a plan for us, and we know he’s going to help us through this. And I write this, I’m reminded of that line in Chris Knight’s song that still continues to hold so true:

“We learned long ago that you don’t doubt the good Lord’s plans, but some things are hard to take Lord, we’re just trying to understand.” ~ Chris Knight, “Crooked Road”

Damn this Crooked Road.

If I Had Only Known

This weekend was a little crazy. Friday we enjoyed shopping in the big city at Bass Pro and other stores along the Red River. Sunday, we had a power outage that threatened to stick around awhile We were bound and determined to have hot water. Our journey to find a portable propane hot water heater/shower took us 45 minutes south our home and then the 1.5 hours north of our home to the Bass Pro- again. If I’d only known Friday what the future would hold.

It’s the same thing I could say about the long journey to have, or as it seems to be turning out, not to have kids.

If I’d have only known 8 years ago that it would end with me saying goodbye just when having kids was in reach. . .

If I’d have known that two years after we saw these boys, I’d nearly get to bring them home but not get to bring them home. . .

If I’d have known that each step of the way Cody and I would be on a different page. . .

Would I be as heartbroken as I am now? Would my spirit feel so broken?

Stuck in a Nightmare, or at least a Very Bad Dream

Last week, Cody finally took some time to talk about his feelings for adoption. He admitted he hasn’t been very open and honest with me. I knew it and I really knew that he was on the fence nearly ready to jump off and call it quits.

As it stands, we agreed that it didn’t feel right to call it quits without reviewing the most recent paperwork which we don’t have yet as the case files we received were missing anything from November 2007 to date. I have truly believed that I want to adopt yet that we have to make an honest evaluation once we receive the case files. I know that I can’t just jump in all heart and no thought. But, Cody feels completely opposite. His heart is not in it and he either has convinced himself or truly feels that he does not want to adopt.

Here’s where the marriage hits the road. . . This is far to important to force him into. I have to accept his feelings. And I recognize that. My marriage to him has to come first and I do love him even though he’s changed his plans “without me”. I also have to find a way that I don’t blame him for a life that at this moment in time seems as if it would be unfulfilled.

But since that conversation, I feel like I’m in a bad dream. Only, there’s no waking up to get out of it. I feel like my boys are being taken away from. The realization that I’ll likely never be a mother after coming so close- the finality that’s involved with this- is hitting me so hard. I googled life without kids. When you get past the ones who chose not to have kids, you’re left with women like me who wanted, tried, and we left with empty arms- and who still feel that pain years later. I’m angry. I’m sad. I’m grieving. I’m scared. I’m torn.

Yesterday, I thought about. . .

Yesterday, I thought about

• Healthier Habits- Getting exercise in, less calorie and fat riddled desserts, cutting cokes out, and drinking water.  I’ve gained too many pounds in recent months and need to work at losing them.  I can feel the extra weight draining me of energy and in my joints. 
• Harry Carey- Knowing that another great voice was lost yesterday and watching the Cubs 7th inning stretch while on the treadmill, I was reminded of Harry Carey.  Gosh I miss him.  I wondered who was going to replace all the aging great sports voices like Harry Carey or Rick Jeannerette.
• How combo baseball and football stadiums really aren’t the best solution- We were watching the Mets season opener in their new stadium while waiting on the Royals game to start when I heard someone talk about how they’d shared Shea w/ football.  It really is true. . . the playing field configurations are so different that it’s hard to make it work well for both.  Of course, the Royals have their own dedicated park, all be it with some cool looking new renovations, which is right next to the football stadium.
• How Ty Murray doesn’t look like he’s going to go much further on Dancing with the Stars-  I think it’s unfair to put true amatuers against those with more experience.  I was so thankful though that he was first and I didn’t have to watch all of the show.
• How limited my shopping selection is here in town.  I need some shoes to wear to work that I can wear with some new skirts.  Problem is- I haven’t been able to find a pair I like.  I hate to order online as I know how many pairs of shoes I rule out after trying them on.  I really need to find a pair in the real world rather than the virtual world but my world is so small.
• Where our case files are- Just a short adoption update.  I wondered when we’ll recieve the case files for our boys.  And what we’d find in them.  We really are kinda holding our breaths until we’ve had a chance to read them.

Selection!

Last Tuesday was the selection meeting for Ricky and James.  We heard from our Social worker Tuesday before lunch.  She had received a little bit more information about Ricky and James and the worker once again wanted to make sure we were still interested.  And, of course, we were.  Our worker told us that their worker said they’d have a decision likely the next week (this week.)

I was in sheer agony.  It seemed like I was growing a permanent knot in my stomach.  I couldn’t concentrate.  I couldn’t help but wonder is this God’s Will or have I convinced myself of that by my own doing.  Everytime the phone rang, I jumped, sighed, and answered it never getting the answer I wanted.

Thursday, I broke down in tears and Cody and I had a long talk.  Thankfully, we had a great diversion and went to see Chris Knight.  Still as he sang one of my favorite songs, Enough Rope, I was reminded of the boys.

“I’m thankful for the things I have and all the things I don’t.  I got dreams that will come true and I got some that won’t.  Most of the time I walk the line wherever it goes, ’cause you can’t hang yourself if you ain’t got enough rope.”

And while I sat there I wished he would play Crooked Road. . . because I got this line stuck in my head:

“We learned long ago you can’t doubt the good Lord’s plans but some things is hard to take Lord, we’re just trying to understand.”

By the time Friday rolled around, I had no idea how I was going to make it through the weekend.  I was reminded just how much we’ve struggled in the past 8 years to have a family.  We attended a baby shower with Cody’s co-workers.  They decided that I should have a baby so they could have another baby shower.  Knowing they know we’re in the process of adopting a sibling group and that I don’t have the plumbing to have a baby, coupled with the long wait for word from the selection meeting, it really rubbed me the wrong way.

As we drove home, I remember thinking about this very long crooked road we’ve been down.  I thought about the boys and how much I wanted to bring them home.  I tried to figure out how on earth I was going to make it through the weekend, knowing we wouldn’t know one way or the other.

When we got home we checked our messages on our voice mail, our caseworker had called at 4:50 to say:

“I was just calling to let you know that you were selected for Ricky and James. You have officially been selected.”

We were (and are) so thrilled.  I could breath like I haven’t been able to breathe all month.  I kept taking deep breaths to let the air in- finally.  Our next step will be reviewing the case file when we receive it.

I’m so thankful.  Praise the Lord that we were selected. . . and that I didn’t have to make it through the weekend wondering.

Adoption ADHD Gets Worse

I’ve talked about Adoption ADHD and Needing Focus on occassion on my blog.  With everything going on the past week and a half, I’m suffering from it horribly.  I absolutely cannot concentrate on the task at hand.  I walk around in a haze thinking this or that.  What if we get the kids?  What if we don’t?  How can I prepare for either?

At least some of the thoughts could prove productive.  Here’s I’ll show you. . . take a walk through my mind.

• Our Life Insurance would likely allow us to get a loan for about $4000 should we need it for legal fees, a booster seat, toys, bedding, furniture, computers, rugs, bath accessories. . . ok see how bad my mind gets to thinking of all the things we’d need
• There’s a really neat looking Shaker Village in Kentucky.  I’ve always liked Shaker style.  That would be a great place to visit- just Cody and I.
• I was finally able to find information on a program that I remember looking up after reading about it on Ali Edwards website.  And the doctor down in Houston involved is our insurance.  It’s a program for children with autism.  I found the old email where I sent the link to myself with info on the boys and their sister.
• I also know that we don’t have many board certified pediatricians in our area that are on our insurance and only one board certified child and adolescent pyschiatrist in town on our insurance.
• There are a lot of really expensive but super cool photography workshops held in great locations around the country.
• I really like the Eric Carle bedding that I found but other than that it’s really hard to find great kids bedding.
• If we are selected, I may just have to pay my nephew to help pick out appropriate stuff for the boys.
• Jason Boland plays in town late next month.  And, we couldn’t register for the music fest in Steamboat until late summer.
• Our leave policies have been worded differently.  Now, technically, Cody and I could take up to 12 weeks a piece of FMLA.  Of course, I’ve only got 4-5 weeks and I’m not sure about him.  Previously it read that we could take 3 months but had to split that. 
• There’s some interesting Adoption training at Adoption Learning Partners.  I enjoyed the class about advocating and it sparked a number of ideas.
• If we don’t get selected and we walk away from this path, I want to go somewhere in May for the weekend. . . April is Turkey season so it’s ruled out. 
• We could afford the hotel at the Houston Galleria for a weekend.  That would be interesting.
• There are some great educational games out there and even a few educational games for the Wii. 
• Still not sure about whether I’d want them to share a room and have a play room or put one in each bedroom.  (Any opinions/thoughts?)
• The Magestic America Cruise Line is up for sale and no longer offering their amazing cruises down US rivers.  Missed out on that dream. . . still couldn’t afford it anyway.

See what I mean. . .and that’s just the more coherent thoughts.  I feel totally out of sorts at work and seek out other ways to entertain myself at home.

Job Interviews, Online Shopping, Fishing, and House Selling

You might just be wondering how those all relate together.  Those are just some of the analogies we’ve used throughout this adoption process. 

The Job Interview

Well, it felt like a job interview and loan application all at once- and more.  I’m talking about the Home Study and the process to get that done.  A million questions and gazillion pieces of paper.  All the time wondering what others think of you, wondering if you’ll past the test, wondering if you’ll be allowed to take the next step.  Not only is your house and vehicle inspected several times, but your life is as well.  And though it’s not meant to feel like an interrogation, that’s what you begin to wonder as interview questions turn to how we fight, how you feel about sex, finance issues, feelings about family members, childhood memories, etc.

I guess we passed that.  The problem is, you never really now.  Even once you’ve got an approved home study, getting it approved is only a part of the puzzle.  Then, you have to wonder how others read it much the same way that you wonder how others read a job resume- only this ain’t a job we’re trying to land, it’s our family!

Online Shopping

I know I’ve said this before.  When you look online at children who become available, it starts to feel like you’re shopping online.  Especially as you rule out the ones who aren’t right for you.  Thankfully, we’ve never said, oh that one’s too fat or that’s one got the wrong color eyes.  But, it’s the same type of feeling as you determine if this one’s got to many emotional issues, or that one’s got medical issues we’re not prepared to deal with.  We decided very on that we’d submit an interest form on any sibling group that met our minimum criteria- to avoid the should we inquire about this one but not that one.

All the while, each picture tears at your heart.  Not only is this your life staring you in the face, it’s the children’s lives as well.  We’ve watched many children fall off the listing.  Each time, I’m hopeful that it’s a good thing and that they’ve been adopted. 

Fishing

Once you finish the “online shopping”, you begin fishing.  You throw your line out there and wait.  Sometimes you might get a nibble, but most of the time nothing.  Some nibbles are harder than others.  You begin to wonder if you’ll ever get a bite. 

Families are ruled out for various reasons long before the selection meeting.  Sometimes you find they are interested in you, but when you get more facts about the children, you realize that you’re no longer feel like they’d be the right fit for you.  We’ve received information back on several sibling groups that indicated there were issues we were not prepared to deal with.  I’m not going to say that we throw them back like you would a fish because it’s just too cruel.  It’s harsh enough in the first place when your humanity stares you down.

House Selling

That’s probably the newest parrallel we could draw.  If you get a really strong nibble, then you go through the selection process.  Your social worker has to “sell” the children’s worker and others on you.  In reality, they are trying to find the right fit.  But, if you don’t promote your strengths, who will, right?  So, you do. . . then you wonder if they’ll buy.

Preparing for the Selection Meeting

Next Tuesday, our social worker will be getting together with Ricky and Jame’s worker and others to discuss why we’re the right family for Ricky and James.  It sounds like several other family’s social workers will do the same.

Last Tuesday, we met up with our social worker for our quarterly visit.  We talked about some of the things that would make us desirable for these two kids.  I really just wish they’d accept, that I having a feeling this was meant to be. . that this may be God’s calling.  But, of course, they can’t.

Some of the things we came up with though somehow it feels more like we’re trying to sell a house than ourselves. . .

We’re young and active.  To me, that seems like a no brainer but I forget that many prospective parents are not first timers and aren’t as “young” as we are.  For a couple that’s been married 10 years and trying to have a family now for 8 years, young seems like an oxymoron.  But, alas we like to think young, to be active with kids, and to have fun.

We’ve been married 10 years.  That’s not a lot in our books but it shows stability. 

We have experience with children and special needs- and a support system that does as well.  I’ve taught children with special needs, worked a number of years in day care, and have several college early childhood classes in my toolbox.  Cody, being dyslexic, has experience dealing with the “special needs” label- in fact he was told in the second grade that he would never read.  My brother is ADD but also worked at a facility for children with autism.  My mother, well, she taught for 30 years.  And that hunting buddy I mentioned last time, his wife teaches autistic children for the local school district.

Activities.  We can provide structure and route.  We’ve seen the power that giving kids choices has.  We believe in having fun and getting outside.  As I told our social worker, my “nephew” and Cody love to play outside- then get me to “act a fool” and play sports with them.  We are also strong believers in supporting creativity and interests.  Goodness knows, we’ve done that with Jack’s artistic ability.  And, Cody has experience in trade work which apparently may come in handy as the oldest reaches adulthood. 

Many of those thing were things I thought of while we talked to the kids’ worker.  They were things that made me realize how much we have to draw upon if we’re selected for these kids.  We’ll have to wait and see. . .our line is still out there just waiting to see if we get any bites.